Sex Workers Art Show at the Knitting Factory, New York, NY, March 7, 2006

Julie Atlas Muz's asshole is like Angelina's lips, Sinatra's blue eyes, Tina Turner's legs – iconic. It can incite envy in even the most fetching of puckers. Downtown's reigning queen of performance art was but one of the many brazen hussies peddling their goods at the Sex Workers Art Show. The national tour, founded by Annie Oakley (not the cowgirl), made its NYC stop at the stifling Knitting Factory, and the smells of beer and intercourse were floating in the air like lead pigeons.

Simone de la Getto belted out a rendition of Donna Summer's "Last Dance," except Simone sang "Last Chance For a Lap Dance." Ms. de la Getto has the distinction of being the founder/artistic director of the only existing black burlesque group, Harlem Shake Burlesque. And she can sing, too! Sorta! Artist/filmmaker Bridget Irish took the stage buck naked and set out in a hurry to find envelopes taped to the bottom of audience members' chairs while the theme song from "Mission Impossible" played. It was like watching a scavenger hunt, but with pubes. Then it came time for Julie Atlas Muz to perform. Wearing jailbird pinstripes, JAM stripped down to a front-less jockstrap while Judas Priest's "Breakin' the Law" shook the speakers. With her ass to the audience, JAM parted her butt cheeks and made her asshole "sing" the lyrics. Then her pussy sang. Then JAM enthusiastically smelled her fingers and saluted before exiting. Sex workers make the best art ever.

Towers of London at the Bowery Ballroom, New York, NY, March 21, 2006

There was a shortage of ball-room at the Bowery Ballroom when Towers of London took the stage wearing quite possibly the tightest jeans I've seen on (presumably) straight men in a damn long time. Skinny pale things with hair-sprayed manes and cigarettes dangling from their lips, the Towers looked like Skid Row circa Slave to the Grind and sound like those glorious 80s hair-metal bands with a healthy dose of Sex Pistols' snide and filthy demeanor. Their stage show was full of more rock-n-roll clichés than Spinal Tap: sprayed beer, reckless spitting, heckling the crowd, climbing on amps, visible ribcage on the shirtless drummer, scissor kicks, egregious guitar solos, and hot chicks in the balcony who made out with each other (albeit briefly, but yes, I did take the bait and yes, I'm writing about it). They sounded as disheveled as they looked, but it felt good to see some dangerous, cheesy punk. "New York sucks!..." shouted the singer, "...me off."

Buckcherry Interview

Buckcherry shot out of the cannon way before any retro-loving, tousle-haired rock bands even got out of bed. When disbanding after 2001's Time Bomb tour, Josh Todd and co-songwriter/guitarist Keith Nelson dabbled in the ill-fated "GnR Project" with the former members of Guns N Roses. Now, Buckcherry has regrouped and delivered Fifteen, the band's third album full of guitar lust and devilish energy. NYRock chatted with the rather demure Josh Todd (must be the California in him) about the new incarnation of Buckcherry, crazy bitches, and the business side of making music.

NYROCK: What were you and Keith looking for in new bandmates?

JT: What we were looking for was guys who wanted to be in a band, wanted to be in Buckcherry and wanted to be part of a team. Not a bunch of guys who want to come in and get a paycheck and be a hired-gun type mentality where they're only around if it's gonna fly, and if it doesn't fly then they're outta there. We really wanted band members, you know? Everybody thought we had all this money and we just didn't.

NYR: Tell me about the song "Crazy Bitch." I want to know about some of your favorite crazy bitches.

JT: (laughs) Well, you know, there was a point in my life where I had a lot of crazy bitches. A "crazy bitch" is just a girl that you have this really amazing physical connection with but when it comes to communication, like, there's nothing going on. And you keep going back because the sex is so good but eventually it fizzles out because after about six months of that you gotta talk at some point. So that's what "Crazy Bitch" is about. It's not about anybody in particular. But I've had a few of them in my past. I think every guy does. I think there's a crazy bitch in every girl.

NYR: I bet if I asked some of your exes they'd say you were a crazy bitch, too.

JT: Yeah, I'm sure. They'd probably call me a crazy "dick" not a "bitch."

NYR: Let's talk about you as a performer. You've got the whole sleazy soulful rock thing going on, but after 10 years in this business, the wisdom you gained plus dealing with all the bullshit that's come your way, has it changed you as far as your performance is concerned?

JT: I don't think it's changed me as a performer because I'm always, I really care about my job and about my place in the grand scheme of things. So you know, even without a record deal, without all of this, when I started out, performance was really important to me. It was really important to work on my craft and develop my craft and I'd be doing that even if I didn't have a record deal. I don't know if it's changed that. It's definitely changed the way I conduct myself and how I look at making records.

NYR: What about conducting yourself have you learned?

JT: I learned a lot of what not to do. And that's really what a lot of musicians go through. Because most entertainers aren't doing it because they're college-educated business-school scholars, you know. We don't go to school. We drop out and do music because that's the only thing that makes sense. Usually. Most of us. It took me a while to understand that your band is a business and you have to start looking at it that way no matter how much you don't want to look at it. You want to be an artist. But there's a balance; there's a way to do both: be an artist and a good businessman. And that's what I've learned over the years. Everything's starting to work out. Thank God I have an opportunity to be in this game because it's short lived for most people. There's a very small percentage of bands that get to have a career after five years.

NYR: Do you think Chinese Democracy will ever be released?

JT: Heh. I don't know. It probably will because contractually they probably gotta release it at some point. Whether or not there will be a consistent tour schedule behind it, I highly doubt it.

NYR: You could totally kick Axl's ass anyway.

JT: Ha ha, I don't know about that. He's a firecracker.

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