Canadian Idol: Lewis Loses Out
Wednesday September 06, 2006 @ 06:00 PM
By: ChartAttack.com Staff

Canadian Idol's two remaining contenders

And now a flashback to the bad acid trip that was ChartAttack's Monday evening Canadian Idol wrap-up: "Tuesday night will be 21 degrees and 69 per cent humidity, with a 100 per cent chance of Sharpe getting the boot. You heard it here first: the boy's about to fall like rain (yes, there will also be scattered showers)."

OK, we're back in present day and you're all staring at me disapprovingly like I've just walked out of the president's office with a big splooge spot on my dress. Yeah, I get it: I screwed up. I'm a failure. A disappointment. An embarrassment.

Here's the bad word, folks. Contrary to my predictions, Craig Sharpe didn't receive the metaphorical boot. Instead, Tyler Lewis did. And no, it didn't rain either.

I'm intimately familiar with these facts and, frankly, if I have one more asshole in a poncho coming up to me to point them out, I'm going to pull some crazy Russell Crowe shit. Seriously, I'm holding a rotary phone right now, just waiting for an excuse to use it.

In my defence, though, Sharpe really seemed like the most likely candidate for elimination. On Monday night, he seemed more nervous and awkward than both Eva Avila and Lewis, a fact that was only compounded by the judges' and audience's relatively lukewarm responses to his performances. This isn't to suggest that the other two competitors haven't had their anxious voice-cracks and awkward surprise-boner-pops themselves. In particular, Tuesday night's clumsy group performance of "Just In Time" and "The Best Is Yet To Come" featured three performers and a record-shattering six left feet.

Nevertheless, Lewis and Avila generally emit more star power during their solo outings. Not to burst Sharpe's Buble, but his competitors' Monday night standards performances rat-packed punches far more powerful than any of the singer's own half-assed slaps.

Lewis, in particular, proved to be quite the charming crooner. He put his newly styled eyebrows (yeah, we noticed) to work with expressive, shamelessly cheesy renditions of "Just A Gigolo/Ain't Got Nobody" and "It Had To Be You." Who would have thought a few months ago that a generic ham-fisted rocker like Lewis could camp it up with so much satin-smooth charm?

Herein lies one of Canadian Idol's greatest strengths: it jams a life-long music career into a few busy months, forcing both the performers and the viewers' perceptions of them to rapidly change. Contestants age like puppies. They sit around licking their crotches for a few months and suddenly they're all grown up. As Lewis delivered his effortlessly engaging final performance, you couldn't help but want to neuter him and take him home to sleep at the foot of your bed. Indeed, when Lewis' debut CD hits stores, a lot of people will be doing just that.

Lewis might not be the next Canadian Idol, but his name and face are already on every teenaged girl's bedroom Wanted poster. There will surely be lots of fans to keep him warm during next week's high-pressure cold front.

—James Simons